Good evening world. I just ate some deliciously greasy gyoza (dumplings) and I'm trying to waste time before I take a shower. I would take one now but it has got so unbearably humid recently that I want to wait as close to bed as possible. I had almost fooled myself into believing that the summer weather here wasn't as bad as I remembered but I was wrong WRONG!

Anyway, I thought I'd write a little bit about the two weekends of sport I had recently. First up was the mightly Kochi Football Club travelling in bright yellow to the swine flu infested island of Awaji (between Shikoku and Osaka). Once again we had a strong number of people who were up for a party and "don't know much about soccer". We all got drunker than planned on the Friday night but this didn't damage us too much for the three games on Saturday. We had a rough draw as we had to play two proper amateur teams back to back. First up was a team from Nagano or Nagoya called Shonai I think. We played so much better than I imagined and only lost 2-0 despite having various chances - Noah missed a sitter and I got one the wrong side of the post. Next up was the always champions of Real Osaka who beat as comfortably (6-0?) despite us playing our best football in the first half. We should have destroyed Wakayama in our last game but we seemed to fluff a few chances. I won us a penalty after the keeper took me out of the game and their defender decided to lie on top of the ball. I converted the penalty like I did last year... with the grace of a seagull diving into a trawler to steal a fish. They got a penalty in the last minute and the 1-1 draw meant we had a tougher game the next day.

That night we all got absolutely hammered in our hotel and then went to a snack bar where I drank Chinese 'fire water'. It is the worst drink I have ever tasted. The next day both the men and women's teams kicked off hungover or still drunk. I was a bit gone myself but sobered up and was determined to score again. I was running through on goal at full speed and about to smash the ball when this Japanese lad came in and got the ball off me at the last second. This resulted in me absolutely smashing my right leg off him and made me limp the rest of the week. I actually got the "kick shitted out of me" in every game.. especially by other Scottish people the gits. We lost the last game 3-1. We played well and I showed a few glimpses of my former glory but about a decade of casual playing and binge drinking has destroyed me.

We watched the women's team for the rest of the afternoon before heading back on the road. As usual... they always perform better than but still came last. The keeper was an American girl called Claudia and she was excellent. I think she even played on with a broken rib. My favourite bits of their games was my friend Michelle running into and flooring this tiny Japanese girl who didn't move out the way. Also, Naomi scored a belter of a goal and we all ran on the pitch and banged out drums to the KFC song. It was a good weekend full of good banter. Our half time shows involved music, dancing, song and chants that made us stand out even more than the neon shirts. Right... I've written too much.

The next weekend was the touch rugby tournament. I didn't have us much fun playing because my knee hurt and I was rubbish. However, we were actually pretty good and won the lower of 3 groups. Considering the overall winners were a selection of Kiwis from all over Japan we did pretty well. I got really drunk that night and became unusually sociable. The Mauris aren't actually that nice. I thought they'd be all friendly and that but instead I was probably lucky not to get punched when I was at their house party. Some Japanese woman started hitting and shouting at me too. Also, I met some Scottish people that I hadn't seen for 2 years so that was fun. We won a mug.