Japan Forever

I can’t say I've had a lot of desire to write anything in my blog lately. It can be terribly tedious to talk about myself despite quite a few interesting things happening. I haven’t had much time or energy to complain about Japan recently either… maybe I’m just getting used to it. Also, it appears quite a lot of Kochi people have read a few entries of my ramblings. I met an English bloke who said he’d seen it before he came and compared it to Charlie Brooker. This pleased me but then I got paranoid about everyone analysing my blog whilst talking about how I was mental and bitter.

Anyone that does read this might be pleased to know that I have decided to stay here for another year. When I first came here I didn’t expect that I would stay anymore than two years at the most so I’ve even surprised myself. It’s strange that I will be a veteran JET at the age of 24, possibly the same age as the majority of the new people that will come this year. I feel a degree of embarrassment for staying so long even though there is no reason too if I am happy with it. I probably would have left last year if the circumstances were different but it suits my present and future plans to persevere through the harsh wilderness of Japan for a further twelve moons. It’s never an easy decision at this time of year and I usually stress myself into illness. This latest re-contracting was the most difficult and it has been in the back of my mind for months. I talked to a few people at the weekend that are staying and it’s amazing how easy it is to sign on for another year when you realise the reality of the alternative which is to go home with no plans or money. So I’ll hopefully be working on those things in the next year or so. Probably not though.

It is at this point that I would also mention my continued determination to improve my Japanese. Though I have said this too often in the last two years and have only barely got anywhere with it. In saying that, I passed the Japanese test that I sat in December. It’s still quite a basic level and the next two levels go up exponentially in terms of difficulty. People who are good at Japanese comment with derision at how simple a test it is but they’re arseholes and I’m great. Actually, I’m not really pleased with the mark I got so it doesn’t really feel like that much of an achievement at the moment. I might continue to stick it out or I might just give up altogether. The reason for my pessimism is that I never use my Japanese. The extent of my conversing during the week is planning lessons with elementary teachers. After that it is ordering food/beer and trying to decipherer what the hell the younger children are trying to tell me (it’s usually about fish or insects). Indeed, the re-contracting procedure this year showed me again how much my work can irritate me. I had to ask my boss about getting me a contract to sign… he didn’t know there was one. I told them I needed it by Friday and so they asked if I was staying or not. Whilst I was thinking for the Japanese to say I was going to wait till the end of the week to decide I got a few mutterings of “Bah he doesn’t understand what we’re saying” so I just replied “Yeah… I’m staying another year” and I got not a single glance of anything. I just said my “Sorry for leaving before you” and went home.

Some small issues with my town and work aside, I am quite happy to continue living here for another year. As the years have flown by on JET I’ve become less agitated and more accustomed to living here. I still want to travel to a few more countries this side of the globe and I’d like to have a fair bit saved up so I’ve got some options when I return home. Also, when I compare my life to those I graduated with then they aren’t exactly that far ahead or even enjoying themselves. Everyone hates their job or is losing it or doesn’t have one and yet they haven’t experienced living in a foreign country or doing any of the exciting stuff I’ve been doing for years. I don’t regret coming here in the slightest and each year still has something new to offer it. It’s great. Look how optimistic I am. Right… I’ll wrap this up and write a new post about stuff that Japan does that is stupid.

Stupid Gaijin: Happy New Year

I haven't had the chance to write a new blog post and now I just don't know where to start. Right.. the picture below sums up what the tourists in Thailand look like. A truly disgusting place at times... urgh old sex tourists everywhere. What a travesty for such lovely nature.

Anyway... I'm hungover at work today because all my east side foreign friends and some Japanese teachers drank ourselves stupid last night. It was great but Wednesday night drinking results in Thursday morning doom. Especially if you have to teach at elementary school all day. I told my 6th grade class to "Shut the hell up!" this afternoon. I would like to add that their talking is relentless for 50 whole minutes. I've tried absolutely everything to get their attention and or get them to participate with even the slightest bit of enthusiasm. My tactics next week are to pretend I am examining them all. I'm going to walk about with a clipboard of their names and mark it at intervals. I'll then lie and say it is important for junior high school next year. Also... they're getting no more games and I'm going to tell them why in Japanese.

Right... so I was walking home drunk last night when I passed a cemetery. I had walked past it that afternoon and thought about going in to have a look around. There is a temple nearby where 23 samurai killed themselves in the old days. Anyway... I thought it was a great idea to stumble my big fat gaijin body all over Japanese culture and history. I walked in and realised it was really dark and I couldn't see anything. Instead of turning around I kept walking forward to find another exit (I find momentum very important). It turns out the cemetery didn't have another exit so I got lost in the darkness. Eventually I found a wall and in all my drunken glory I decided I would make my own exit from this place of death. I wasn't scared because I knew Japanese ghosts would be boring and I wouldn't understand their Japanese. So I mounted the wall in an elegant manner and then launched myself over it without researching where I would land. It became quite apparent on my descent that the path was significantly lower than I had anticipated. I managed to land on my feet like the cool cat I am. However, about 2 seconds later I lost my balance and fell on my arse. I then decided I wanted to eat a cheeseburger from the convenient store (The English is 3F but it's called su-ri-e-fu). I picked up my loose dignity and set off in search of greasy food. However, I soon remembered that I had promised my arteries that I would eat no more of them this year. So I went home and ate a massive bowl of Frosties in bed. I even drank all the leftover milk.

I'm sorry Japan.

Thailand

Earthquake hurrah

So... I was enjoying my cheeky break by playing some Xbox in my apartment. I could feel my arse moving very slightly. It kind of felt like I was dizzy after standing up too fast. I didn't really feel anything but checked anyway. Level 2-3 quake in Tano-Cho. Oh yeah. That's that box checked after I have alluded numerous others before. I hope it doesn't mean the big one is warming up to kill me. Then who would write this fantastic (US embassy sanctioned) blog?

A gaijin and his skirt

Haud yer wheesht ya wee bawbags. A kilt ISNAE a sukaato... awright?

Look at me in my kilt everyone. I thought it was about time I wore my national dress since I stole... inherited... it from my dad in the summer. I had been teaching my junior high school students about Scottish customs, traditions and the like for the month of November. Surprisingly... haggis was particularly well received even when I explained what it involved. It seems that in a country where every part of an animal is eaten (I've often had chicken livers/ cartilage/heart as well as cow intestines/stomach) there was no problem with the concept. Indeed, some of the students even gave it an OIIISHHIIISOOOO rather than recoiling in horror. Indeed, they all remembered it when I told them the sgian dubh (small knife in the sock) was used for ceremonially slicing it up.

My plan was to conclude the Scottish lessons with the wearing of my kilt on St Andrew's Day. Instead... the students had an English test that week that nobody thought to tell me about. Nevertheless, I proudly walked to school on Monday morning in preparation for my fantastic internationalising. This began with me running late for school because it took me ages to put it on and I was scared I would ruin it by driving there. Therefore, I embarked on the ten minute walk to school. I was of course expecting a few extra stares than usual but as I passed the convenient store/train station car park I caused an accident. As I was crossing the road I noticed a woman was staring at me from inside her car. In doing so she slowly crashed into the car in front of her and narrowly avoided another man who was walking between the two cars. I completely ignored the drama because I was late for school and because I found it exceptionally amusing walking away to a chorus of GOOOMMEEEN NAAASAAAIIIiiiiii....

Internationalising the world with my sexy legs.

When I arrived at school I first saw the P.E coach who merely chuckled through the haze of his early morning smoke. He said I looked like Burevuhaato as I hastily made my way through the staff room gasps to get to my first class. As I walked up the hall towards the classroom I could see the row nearest the door and their reaction was priceless. Two of the girls screamed and one boy just looked at me in shock before shaking his head. The latter amused me because usually they like to show off to each other but that was a deeply personal moment for him alone. He did not look impressed throughout the class. Anyway, my half of the lesson went much better than expected for every grade. I explained all the usual stuff about the history, traditions... when it was worn... what each part meant. I tried to make a few Japanese connections by explaining the similarity to "family/clans", how a kilt was similar to a kimono, how traditionally men got a kilt at their coming of age (still a very important day in Japan) and even how there is a sakura tartan (cherry blossom tartan for the Japanese tourists). The girls in the class were embarrassed as usual and refused to go near me whilst the boys were obsessed about what was under my kilt. They taught me a few useful words.

I brought my hip flask full of lovely Islay single malt to explain what a sporran was for. I took a cheeky swig after my last class. What a rebel.

After I had left the shocked and smitten school in my wake... I headed to a local temple on the way home in an attempt to take some artistic photographs. I was hoping to achieve a blending of Scottish and Japanese history in a unique snapshot of mutual cultural appreciation. Instead, I panicked and trampled all over Japan with my massive boots. Indeed, not only did I take an awful picture with no flash... but I got covered in spider web and nearly fell backwards into a ditch. Also... I got another shout from some construction workers who were digging up the road at the bottom of the temple steps. I had previously passed them on the way there with a cheery wave and a konnichiwa and was greeted with facial reactions that words can't describe. Also, there was an old woman who didn't move from the moment I went up the temple and returned down the stairs. I don't think her brain could process what was going on.

Just awful

As I was about to leave the temple I noticed a pilgrim was walking towards me from the other entrance. It must have been my new found confidence in knowing that I looked completely ridiculous but I approached him because I wanted a photograph. Even as I was walking towards him I was preparing my Japanese explanation about cultures but before I could say a word he ran off. He actually ran behind a temple to get away from me. I tried shouting on him but he just waved his arms in a gesture that suggested "getawaygetawaygetaway". Congratulations pilgrim... you have set back my desire to reach out to Japanese people for another 3 months. On the way down the stairs I jumped over a concrete fence and probably flashed my arse.

Just buying some Muse tickets in rural Japan... as you do.

The rest of the day had similar reactions from all age groups. Some elementary school children ran towards me before changing their minds at the last minute and ran away screaming. Thus concluded my day of internationalising the rural folk of Kochi prefecture. I wonder if I'm possibly the first person in Kochi to wear a kilt? I'd like that. I like to think everyone who saw me on Monday ended up talking about me at their dinner table that evening. I'll leave you with some advise that I told my students today about how to pronounce kilt. I said it's called a kilt because if you say sukaato... I WILL KILL YOU! I'm a great ambassador for my country.

A few shashins

I just had a really annoying situation where a town hall employee was poking his finger at a mistake I had made on a tax form. Baring in mind I would struggle to fill one of those out in English... I felt I made a decent effort as nobody was around to help. "I'm afraid this complicated kanji is above my level my good man. Could you please explain what they mean? Name? Address? My blood type? Oh... I see... you've decided to act irrationally impatient and run around finding someone who might be able to communicate with the useless foreigner... thanks".

Anyway, I thought I'd post some other pictures that I took yesterday... just because.

An English poster that I didn't make along with some advertising posters for Sports Day (woo..)

More English things that I didn't make... oh dear. We have KUSAI! and Dou iu imi? as well as the Japanese way to pronounce them. Itto sumeruzu! and Howatto do yu miin?

Here are some 13 year olds acting like 13 year olds. My guess is that this comedy skit was on television on Sunday night... it usually is. The kid in the middle is the bad boy of the grade but he's also one of my favourites. He teaches me bad Japanese words. He wanted to be called Jack Sparrow when I first taught him but now he hates it and I mock him with it.

Urgh a くさい sink in a 50 year old school. The drains have quite an odour sometimes.

I used to enjoy marking until I realised I was correcting the same words about 20-30 times. I took a better picture but I wrote my name closer to ハソター (Hasotaa) than ハンター(Hantaa). Can you tell the difference? Exactly!

Looking down from 3rd grade to 1st grade before lunch. They used to play the same school jingle on repeat whilst we were eating. One day I suggested we play a CD or something. They started to play classical music and it was wonderful. However, I now listen to the same 4 classical songs... argh.

Monday 7th December's school lunch. There is of course the standard bowl of rice and milk. Monday's small dish (always the worst) was a horrible pickle affair. The soup was a reasonably tasty vegetable/meat thing. On the whole I'd give it a solid 7/10.

This is a kimchi flavoured drink. Kimchi is the national dish of Korea. It is fermented cabbage covered in garlic. It was くさい!

The feds are onto me

Just the US embassy checking me out. No big deal.