Thursday, 21 January 2010

PostHeaderIcon Stupid Gaijin: Happy New Year

I haven't had the chance to write a new blog post and now I just don't know where to start. Right.. the picture below sums up what the tourists in Thailand look like. A truly disgusting place at times... urgh old sex tourists everywhere. What a travesty for such lovely nature.

Anyway... I'm hungover at work today because all my east side foreign friends and some Japanese teachers drank ourselves stupid last night. It was great but Wednesday night drinking results in Thursday morning doom. Especially if you have to teach at elementary school all day. I told my 6th grade class to "Shut the hell up!" this afternoon. I would like to add that their talking is relentless for 50 whole minutes. I've tried absolutely everything to get their attention and or get them to participate with even the slightest bit of enthusiasm. My tactics next week are to pretend I am examining them all. I'm going to walk about with a clipboard of their names and mark it at intervals. I'll then lie and say it is important for junior high school next year. Also... they're getting no more games and I'm going to tell them why in Japanese.

Right... so I was walking home drunk last night when I passed a cemetery. I had walked past it that afternoon and thought about going in to have a look around. There is a temple nearby where 23 samurai killed themselves in the old days. Anyway... I thought it was a great idea to stumble my big fat gaijin body all over Japanese culture and history. I walked in and realised it was really dark and I couldn't see anything. Instead of turning around I kept walking forward to find another exit (I find momentum very important). It turns out the cemetery didn't have another exit so I got lost in the darkness. Eventually I found a wall and in all my drunken glory I decided I would make my own exit from this place of death. I wasn't scared because I knew Japanese ghosts would be boring and I wouldn't understand their Japanese. So I mounted the wall in an elegant manner and then launched myself over it without researching where I would land. It became quite apparent on my descent that the path was significantly lower than I had anticipated. I managed to land on my feet like the cool cat I am. However, about 2 seconds later I lost my balance and fell on my arse. I then decided I wanted to eat a cheeseburger from the convenient store (The English is 3F but it's called su-ri-e-fu). I picked up my loose dignity and set off in search of greasy food. However, I soon remembered that I had promised my arteries that I would eat no more of them this year. So I went home and ate a massive bowl of Frosties in bed. I even drank all the leftover milk.

I'm sorry Japan.

4 comments:

R said...

An update!
キタ━━━━━━(゚∀゚)━━━━━━!!!!!

Frosties are sold in Japan?

Jamie said...

I'm a lurker. And I like your blog. You are very funny to me.

Ahoy hoy said...

I'll be honest with you R... I have no idea what the Japanese emoticons mean. That one looks like an arrow in someone's chest. Frosties are sold but they're pretty expensive so they're only a drunken treat.

Thank you Jamie. I like to be funny to you.

Anonymous said...

Update please.

Related Posts with Thumbnails

About Me

I am a 24 year old Scotsman currently teaching English to Japanese schoolchildren. I live in a small town on the east coast of Kochi prefecture.

Shashins