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There's a strong possibility that you've read me complaining about the school sports day that occurs every September.  I'm sure you think I'm whinging over nothing as an afternoon of sprints and relays is nothing.  However, the sports day in Japanese schools is taken exceptionally seriously... well, by the P.E teacher who is in charge of it anyway.  The whole month of September is saturated with afternoon practices and more often than not it is the English class that gets booted out the curriculum.  The worst thing is that it is always held on a Saturday or Sunday so that weekend is pretty much written off for most JETs.  However, the real crime committed by this celebration of physical activity is that some sports day are held on a national holiday.  Indeed, this is usually a Monday so any plans for a long weekend trip are subsequently wrecked as well.  The day itself starts from about 9am and doesn't finish until about 3-4pm.  This year there were 23 events.  The opening and closing ceremonies go on forever as well.  All the students walk about marching, waving flags and then warm up to Celine Dion music.  Sports day is a living hell.

I usually spend most of the day under the teacher's tent sitting in a terribly old chair next to some terribly old people.  However, I just couldn't handle another day of such a soul-crushing atmosphere so I wandered around the outside of grounds and talked to some primary school kids and their grandparents.  Despite the event being on a Sunday a small majority of the student's parents don't bother their arse to show up.  This means that I've often been asked to participate in some joint parent/student events in the previous years.  However, in the past two years I've always had to do the three-legged race with some kid half my height and double my weight.  I wasn't really in the mood for smashing my face into the dusty ground again so I wore my sandals and hid under a tree all morning and let the other teachers fill the gap.  As is the case with most town events, I am persistently asked to come along but then I am subsequently ignored by everyone when I get there.  I sat in the teacher's tent for two hours and not one person said a word to me the whole time.  The only person who approached me that day was a bloke from Cambodia.  He actually startled me to begin with and I thought he was just a bit of a mental local.  I hate to say it but the majority of people who approach me to communicate in Kochi (and Japan I guess) can be a little bit eccentric.  It's better than nothing though so I can't really complain.  Anyway, he spoke about two or three words of English and I knew straight away that he wasn't Japanese as he was far too good.  Also, I have obviously met fluent English speakers in Japan but they tend to retain their Japanese accent or sound American (I always prefer the former).  I had a very enjoyable conversation with him and we alternated between English and Japanese which was quite an interesting situation to be in.  He had studied Japanese for two years in Cambodia and was now on a three month home stay in Tano.  I gave him my phone number in case he needed any help with anything in the future or if he wanted to hang out.  Now, I often rant about what's wrong with Japan and the like but I take no joy in saying that it is the most normal conversation I have had with anyone in Tano.  There is just something forever present in the Japanese mind that means they struggle to communicate with a foreigner.  I don't exactly know what it is but it appears to be a mixture of them getting flustered/nervous at the prospect or even taking the condescending view that a gaijin and a Japanese can't possibly communicate.  There's also an ever present barrier in the middle of the conversation that the Japanese person uses to make sure both parties know exactly that they are different people.  I don't know... in a few minutes I was talking to the Cambodian about normal things that didn't involve bringing up the differences in our nationalities.  It's sad to say that I've only rarely felt like that in any of my offices or schools.  I've met a few friends who have managed to drop the "gaiin elephant in the room" attitude but the majority of them introduce themselves under such an umbrella.  I'm sure there are other foreigners living in Japan who disagree but these are my feelings regarding my time in Kochi.

I returned in the afternoon with a flask of gin and tonic.  I decided that the previous three years of being a responsible ALT at such events was enough service to the JET cause.  I wanted to have a relaxing time since it was a Sunday and I still had three hours to sit in the baking sun feigning interest and excitement.  Therefore, I sat on a log under a tree and preceded to drink the best tasting drink I've ever had.  I think I was feeling a bit drunk so I went and got some fureido poteto and ended up buying about ten bags for all the first grade kids at primary school.  It was the best sports day I've ever been to.  I left before the cleaning up was due to start which felt good.  The question is... how many Japanese people does it take to take down a tent?  The answer is twelve.

I have been living in Kochi for over 3 years now.  One of my favourite things about Shikoku is the raw nature it provides.  I never get tired watching the changing colours of the sky, mountains and ocean.  This is far from the most spectacular view I have seen in my town but it took me by surprise as I walked quickly to buy some Red Bull and a salmon rice ball before studying and teaching my adult English class.  I talked to my German couchsurfer for about ten minutes yesterday but she passed out before I got home from my work.  She was very nice though and wrote me a note apologising for sleeping and said she hadn't been in such a relaxed environment for a week or so.  She'd been walking about 30-40km a day or something.

Also, the title just says 'Kochi's Volcano' and I only did it in Japanese in the hope that some Japanese person types it into google one day and stumbles across my racist ranting.

Good evening.  I'm going to try and update my blog every day from now on.  Sadly, that means they'll be more of these stupid posts like everyone else does who has a blog.  I'm more of a fan of going on a long rant once every few weeks.  Nevertheless, I give you two adverts that amused me in the past week.

 It seems apparent that models are treated harshly in Japan.  Those girls are freezing in that photo studio.

"I'll have a whisky and an ice-cream please for I am an older and therefore wise Japanese man."

There's not much to say about these other than I have my doubts over the authenticity of that bite out of the parm.  They're both very standard adverts for products in Japan.  The Japanese lassies are looking sultry and sexy as they attempt to sell shampoo, shaving cream for their arms or glue for their eyelids.  The silver haired alpha male is another classic used in promotions for more manlier products such as bitter canned coffee, pisswater Suntory whisky and a marker pen for their bald spot.  

Since I got back from Australia last week I've been sweating constantly and it occasionally feels like I've just jumped into a swimming pool.  I read this week that it has been the hottest summer in Japan for about 120 years.  In the same article I read about hundreds of thousands of Japanese going to hospital because of heatstroke.  There appeared to be a considerable jump in the figures from the first day of September.  I'm going to tell you why this was the case with a wild yet accurate assumption.  Did you know that the first day of September is autumn?  Maybe you did.  I don't even remember how our seasons breakdown at home anymore.  Anyway, most people in the rest of the world will have similar "official" days but only people who make calendars would give any attention to them.  However, people in Japan tend to take these changes with a serious approach.  The first dawn of the ninth month means that summer clothes must now be replaced by autumn ones.  Indeed, in some prefectures it may even be the designated day that the air conditioning is switched off.  Yes, I'm afraid to say that this is the life that about 130 million people follow.  "The clothes you wear are not dependent on the weather.  It's September!  It's time to wear long sleeves for goodness sake!  I suppose we can make an exception in your case, what with all that barbarian fur on your arms.  The air conditioning should not be related to the actual temperature in the room you moron.  Don't you know the government pays important people to work out the days we need it?"  


Therefore, there is a nation of conformist and traditionalist fools roasting alive in their homes and offices whilst the drones on television advise the nation to drink lots of green tea (a diuretic) and eat umeboshi (dried plums) to fend off the heat.  Of course, we can't forget the poor students of every school in the country who must practice themselves into oblivion for sports day this weekend.  I could go on a rant about the stupidity of the marching and flag waving and non-sports and the removal of any guessing of who will win the race after 20 practices but I'll focus on this small fact.  It has been around 37-39 degrees in a lot of Japan this week and these kids are expected to run about during the hottest part of the day... everyday.... with only flasks and flasks of green tea to hydrate them.  Keep up the good work 日本.  Here are some pictures of my turtles.  I took better ones but I forget to upload them.  You can't see the wonder of my new tank.  Also, I forgot to mention that catalyst in the writing of this post was an experience with a mukade in the shower.  I just started to wash my face when I felt a quick scuttle brush by my toes.  I absolutely collapsed and my whole body became nothing more than a shell of fear.  That was until I jumped backwards and nearly broke my bloody neck.  I killed it with boiling water and it made me angry enough to sit down at my desk.  Goodnight.

Greetings.  I don't like to address and open blogposts with the admission of a being absent for a period of time.  However, I've been away from a computer for about two weeks or so at a JET conference and then my holiday in Australia.  Both were fun.  Both have taken it out of me.  I was planning to update this as well as clean, wash, clean... study mountains of Japanese homework... but at the moment I feel a bit like this.  I'll try and upgrade the blog with numerous bells and whistles in a week or two.  Cheerio for now.

I arrived in Japan just over 3 years ago.  One of my first memories of my time here was the summer festival in my town.  I have been home the last two years so I haven't been able to attend the festival in my town since then.  It turns out I wasn't missing out on anything and my fond recollection of the festival must have only to have been due to the initial excitement of living in Japan.  Also, I think an important factor was that I spent tonight walking about on my own and my only communication was with the students I teach.  It speaks volumes about the relationship I have with my town and work where I can't comfortably go up and talk to people I have known for years.  Personally, I don't think my town is friendly and a number of individuals walk about with a face like a smacked arse.  I have continually felt more welcome when I go to the neighbouring towns of Umaji, Nahari and Muroto.  I blame myself to an extent because I've not taken the initiative enough to involve myself in town events since my first year.  Still, there comes a point when you realise that the people in my town are old women and young families.  They don't want to socialise with a foreigner at their summer festival.  They want to drink with neighbours and their briefly returning children.  I like Japanese festivals and like to drink beer and stuff my face.  I'm also envious of the community aspect of them as every town in Japan (or at least Kochi) tends to have their own.  I always find it a shame that such events are a lot less common back home.  It was a bit of a boring and depressing evening though.  No worries though, I have tea and I'm watching the football online.  I included the picture below because I like how he didn't care about anything but cooling himself.  Also, far be it for me to mock people with the balls to perform on stage but the bands and  karaoke singers were truly awful tonight.

I placed all my shopping on my kitchen table like this because my life now revolves around my blog and I thought that it would make a good picture.  Also, it's one of the few times my Saturday breakfast and lunch hasn't consisted of pizza and gyoza.  This trip to the supermarket was exciting because they had some lemons and onions imported from New Zealand.  I can buy both here but they're locally grown and a change is always nice.  Incidentally, it is almost impossible to find limes in the supermarkets in my area.  They are the true treasure of a Japanese countryside supermarket.  Also, C.C Lemon is the best fizzy drink that Japan has to offer.  It's a better alternative to coke and my poor replacement for my beloved Irn-Bru.  More importantly, it has 70 lemons worth of Vitamin C in every bottle.  The small can is a Yuzu drink from the town up the road.  Yuzu is a local citrus fruit that is sort of between a grapefruit and a lemon.  I bought some tuna and teriyaki sauce for lunch.  However, I also put a bit of teriyaki into my omelette mix.  There's a little secret for you all.  When I say secret... I mean... copy me and then praise my culinary genius please.

Naomi took these two paparazzi style shots last week in Tokyo.  We were riding the train back from Yokohama after we had another fun dinner with the Japanese side of her family.  The carriage we were in was quite empty apart from these two young lassies.  The drunk girl slowly slid down until her face was planted in her friend's lap.  Things remained calm for a few stops but it suddenly became apparent that their journey was coming to an end.  When the train stopped the conscious girl attempted to wake her friend by giving her a quick shake.  It was a token gesture as she must have known a more valiant effort was required.  She immediately stood up to let the comatose head collapse onto the seat.  The next course of action was an attempt to lift her up.  Both of them probably weigh less than a bag of sugar but such a weak frame meant that the girl struggled to help her friend off the train.  Eventually the drunk girl managed to stand but she moved with the agility of a mad cow.  There was a brief period when it looked like they were both going to make it off the train but then the girl vomited all over the seat and floor, before collapsing on the latter.  It was at this point that Naomi and I moved to go and aid them both but we were reasonably far from their door.  Also, we stopped because a few people sitting and some new passengers entering the train looked like they were about to help but then decided to step back and avoid them both.  It's a typical scene that I've seen far too often in Japan.  It's like the Japanese brain is in a constant process of conflicting thoughts.  All of the passengers initially stepped forward to help the girl when she fell to the ground.  However, as always, I noticed a small switch labelled 日本人 flick in their head and they lunged back into a frozen glare of uselessness.

I'm not exactly sure what it is with this country but there is a strange culture of people not wishing to get involved in other people's matters.  I don't think it is exactly them being cold hearted or mean but rather something built into their mentality that they should not interfere in a matter if it is outside of their responsibility.  A strange example of this I've heard a few times is that someone might see a person drop their wallet at a crowded station and instead of chasing after them and making a scene, they'll just send them it in the post.  A number of my friends have had this happen to them and they were returned with absolutely nothing missing from them.  If the same situation happened in Scotland then I  assume that most people would chase after and hand the wallet back.  However, I'd say a large minority who found a wallet on the ground would either steal it or take the money out before sending it back.  Personally I would hand it into the police... more because there is a chance the post office workers would steal it themselves.

There is no doubt that this honesty is an excellent virtue that the Japanese have but it is part of the same mentality that means that nobody will come to the aid of a drunk girl collapsed on the floor of a train.  A few days later we were at Fuji Rock and the ground had become quite slippy and muddy due to the rain and masses of people.  Naomi was leaving the Muse gig when she slipped and fell on the ground quite badly.  She told me there was about half a dozen Japanese guys staring down at her with vacant expressions as they watched her pick herself up.    I think Naomi made sure they knew how she felt about their actions.  Incidentally, last year she driving and noticed an old man fall off his bike and struggle to get up again.  She watched a number of fellow Japanese walk past him as he did a fine impression of a turtle stuck on its back.  Eventually she had to stop and get out her car to help him herself.  I was walking across a pedestrian crossing in Kochi City once and I noticed that an old lady's shopping bags had burst in the middle of the road.  Again I witnessed about twenty people avoid her and her desperate attempts to gather her things.  Sadly, it was only myself who stopped to help her.  I even went into a shop and asked for some spare bags.  She was very thankful but I think she was embarrassed at the incident and that an illiterate foreigner was helping her.

It raises a lot of questions about the initial incident with the girls.  For example, was the girl's friend helping her because she was concerned and cared about her friend's well being?  Or was it more the case that this fell into the category of her responsibility?  Indeed, is this even different in Japan or do girls just react exactly the same back home?  I'm not exactly sure what I think.  I'd say on the face of it they are exactly they same situations and I'm well aware that I've had to help vomiting friends in the past because they were my friends.  However, I can't help but feel there is a little bit of a different mentality in other instances.  I could be wrong and racist of course but I can't help but feel they are more consciously aware of their actions in these instances.  It's like they initially go to aid someone as they act on human instincts but then they are held back by something.  This could also be said about the situation of finding a wallet.  Does a Japanese person originally think "Wow 50000 yen" before succombing to their 日本人 as honesty is what is expected in Japanese society?  I tried to imagine the same situation in Scotland if two drunken girls started vomiting on the train home.  I wondered if I would be so ready to help them or would I have some prejudice towards their idiotic, binge-drinking, orange tanned nedness?  I might be more reluctant to help some rough Glaswegian lassies but I'm pretty certain I'd still immediately help them when it was apparent they required it.   I've tried to understand and explain why Japanese people act like this but it can be hard to see beyond the fact that the vast majority more often than not act like cowardly arseholes.  You may think I have topped myself again at failing to understand the differences in cultures and what have you but if you're Japanese and reading this... perhaps you should help the next 80 year old you see in trouble.

I really wanted to make a pun about the Japanese having a samuraitan soul or something but I couldn't quite work it out.  I'm not entirely comfortable with my wild assumptions and generalisations in this entry but I'll post them anyway.  Also, I remember reading the story of a JET who had just arrived in Japan a few years ago.  She was walking over a bridge in a busy part of her city.  As she was coming down the stairs she went over her ankle and fell down to the bottom.  I can't remember the details but I think she ended up breaking an arm, some ribs and was covered in blood.  Anyway, streams of Japanese people flowed past her without acknowleding her.  She had little Japanese and was not sure how to call anyone for help.  The saddest part of the story is that the first person who helped her was another foreigner... a good few minutes after she had fallen over.  Also, just to add another example to this increasing list.  I broke my leg playing football with some Japanese guys in my town.  I tried to walk away before realising I couldn't walk and sat down at the door clutching my leg.  About ten of them walked past me as they went off to have a smoke break.  Who was it that helped me that night?  A foreigner and my supervisor... probably because he felt he had to.